When I was sad because I couldn’t find my match, my mom always used to tell me, “Siempre hay un roto para un descosido,” which loosely translates to, “There’s someone out there just as messed up as you.” And I hated it with all my heart. I was not messed up or broken! Was that all I could get? A broken match? I know she meant well—she was trying to give me hope—but I still hated it.
The context at the time was that I kept getting into bad relationships—relationships going nowhere, with people who didn’t appreciate or care for me. It wasn’t just a few—it was years and years of the same. So when she or others said that phrase, I’d think, “I’m not a bad person. I’m not broken. Why the hell would I deserve that?”
So, I gave up.
It took me years of heartbreak, tears, and hitting rock bottom to finally decide I wasn’t going to keep looking for “the one,” my “other half,” the person who would bring happiness and love into my life. I was done. I was sick and tired of that vicious cycle. I cried, a lot. I thought being alone meant being a loser. I couldn’t even get someone to love me. I accepted that sad reality and moved on.
That’s when everything started to change.
I began planning my life on my own, with zero expectations. No more searching for Prince Charming. I accepted that I might be “alone” for the rest of my life. Little did I know that decision would be the best I’ve ever made.
As I planned my life for me, I stopped considering “what if I find a boyfriend?” and started focusing on what made ME happy. I began having fun, doing things I’d never tried before—like riding a bicycle on the open road! I traveled more and filled my life with what I loved.
I started making decisions without even thinking about “my person.” I was my person. And while I felt alone at first, I slowly began learning about myself—without even trying.
One day, one of my nieces came to talk to me about a job offer she got in another state in Mexico. She wasn’t asking for advice, but we talked about how I did it when I moved countries—from Mexico to the U.S. After she left, I kept thinking, “Wow, I’m a badass. And now I’m telling someone I love that she can be a badass too. How freaking cool is that?”
That’s when the conscious journey began. From that point forward, I became more intentional with my decisions and actions. I wasn’t just pretending to be okay on my own—I actually was. I felt liberated. It was freedom from other people’s expectations—or maybe the ones I had created in my own mind. Expectations like being married by a certain age, having kids, owning a home, bringing a date to a wedding or Christmas party. I didn’t care about stereotypes anymore.
One day, while talking to my younger brother about becoming a “better version of yourself,” he said, “Be you, just better.” We laughed—it sounded so simplistic. “And how the hell do I do that?” I asked. He said, “Talk to yourself in third person. Treat yourself like you’re getting to know someone.”
I laughed, but I started doing it after he left. It felt weird at first, but over time, that exercise gave me so much insight. I couldn’t believe it. I became my person, someone who now dreads the thought of searching for a love partner. I’m so happy with my life and where it’s taken me; I don’t want to mess it up!
I want to share with you what helped me become my person, so you don’t feel the need to look for love, approval, or acceptance outside of yourself. Let’s stop the nonsense.
Step 1: Get to Know Yourself
Think of yourself as someone you kinda like and want to get to know better. Imagine a new friend—someone you’re a little curious about—and start asking questions.
Here’s an example:
Hey, [insert your name here],
- What do you like to do when you’re not working?
- Why?
- What for?
- Does it make you happy?
- No? Why do you keep doing it?
- Yes? Why don’t you do it more?
You can do this with anything:
- Do you like your job?
- Do you like where you live?
- What do you enjoy most in your life?
- Where would you like to live?
- Do you want a pet?
You get the point. This exercise will help you understand what makes you tick—what motivates you and what doesn’t. Once you know more about yourself, make a list: the things you love, the things you need, and the things you don’t. Start making changes or improvements that benefit YOU.
Step 2: Be Kind to Yourself
I live with type 2 diabetes, so if I want to live a long and healthy life, I need to be very mindful of my diet and exercise. Whatever your situation is, if there’s something you “have to do”, be kind to yourself about it.
If you skip a workout or eat too much chocolate—it's okay. It’s not okay to do it every day and make excuses, because in the long run, that’s not good for you. But if it’s an exception, forget the guilt. Forget the sadness.
The more importance we give something, the more important it becomes. If you focus on guilt and sadness, they’ll grow heavier and harder to carry. We all do our best. So do your best, then move on.
Step 3: Be Grateful
This is a big one.
We all have something to be grateful for. If you’re reading (or listening to) this blog post, that means you can. Not everyone has that privilege. Be grateful for your ability to see or hear, for having shelter, food… the list could go on forever.
Try this:
Every morning, for one week, write down three things you're grateful for. Just three. Try not to repeat any for the whole week. After a few days, I had to expand my list to ten—because there is so much to be thankful for.
There are scientific studies proving that gratitude benefits your physical and emotional wellbeing. If you don’t believe me, look it up!
Proven Benefits of Gratitude:
- Reduces stress and symptoms of depression
- Improves sleep and strengthens the immune system
- Enhances emotional resilience
- Encourages healthier lifestyle habits
- Helps lower blood pressure and inflammation
Gratitude won’t guarantee you’ll be happy every moment of every day—but it makes it so much easier to find that state of mind and soul.
I want to leave you with this:
Don’t look for love outside of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be grateful. And above all—get to know yourself. You’ll be surprised by the awesome, badass person you are.
Once you truly get to know yourself, you’ll fall in love with YOU. Happy soul-searching!
If you enjoyed this post, please give it a like and leave a comment. See you on the road!
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