I moved countries at 45. I thought that was a bold move. Starting over at 45 in a new country, with a new job, a new culture, and a completely new life. People asked me if I wasn’t afraid. I never thought I was. I just decided to move, and I moved. California sounded nice and felt like it would fit me well. I never had any specific expectations… I just wanted to live in a better area with a better quality of life. That was all I expected.
I started cycling at 47. Yes, riding bikes, in Lycra and everything. I
bought a nice road bicycle, learned how to ride with those special shoes and
clips, learned how to ride in a group, and even ventured out on my own. I just
went all in. No questions asked, no doubts, no what-ifs, zero care for
others’ opinions. I just did it. No expectations. I found a group of
very good friends in the process. They were “work-friends,” then
“cycling-friends,” and eventually, very good and loving friends.
I started my new job on a work visa, and three years later, I got my
Permanent Residence. I didn’t need any more work visas, and I was no longer
obligated to work for the same company. So, I switched jobs. I applied for five
different positions and got interviews for all of them. I got to pick where I
wanted to go. I had zero expectations. I knew a good job would
land in my lap sooner or later. It took about two to three months. A year
later, I applied for another position within the company and transferred.
That new job was fully remote. So, given my free spirit, I started
looking for another place to live. I wanted to live more comfortably, travel
more, and spend less. I moved to Arizona. The desert likes me, and I like it
back. I didn’t care about the summer heat. I figured I’d adapt, and I think I
did.
A year in, I bought a house in Arizona. I became a homeowner! Yes, in
this economy, some might even call that being brave.
A year or so ago, I started car camping, another “new” thing for
me. I camped when I was younger, but as I get older, I don’t agree so much with
being too uncomfortable. And I’m a bit scared of wildlife, mostly animals that
can eat me. So, I decided to give car camping a try. It was nice, better than
sleeping in a tent. But still not super comfortable.
I had a “normal-sized” SUV and used it a couple of times for car camping.
But I thought I wanted something more comfortable, so I switched cars and got a
bigger SUV. I car-camped in it again at the Grand Canyon and also bravely
took it on a 1,500-mile road trip. The road trip included hotel stays, though.
Did I mention I like to be comfortable?
About two months ago, I made another bold move without thinking
too much about it, although I had been thinking about it for years. I got a
camper van.
At first, I thought I’d buy a cargo van and have my friend help me—or I
should be clear and say he would build it for me. I looked for vans and even
went to test-drive a couple. Then I thought, well, I should buy a little
trailer. They’re cheaper and pretty darn cute. I even got my car a hitch for
one and everything. I went to see them in person after seeing a million and a
half online. I didn’t love them. I couldn’t find the cute ones, only the ones
that looked like giant toasters. But then I went to an RV show.
I gave up my big-ass SUV and got myself a camper van. It’s beautiful,
brand-new, and perfectly sized. It has everything I need to travel comfortably:
a bed, a kitchen, a bathroom, a shower… And that got me thinking. Like, truly
thinking.
That’s all I really need. “I could live here,” I thought. It wouldn’t be
as comfortable as a house, that’s for sure. I mean, the tiny shower, just for
starters. Then there’s the lack of space for clothes, food, dishes, and room
for my “toys.” And by “toys,” I mean my multiple bicycles, my treadmill, my
bike trainer, my TVs, among many other things…
But, being honest with myself, do I really need all that stuff?
Don’t get me wrong, I love my toys. I love my huge TVs, my multiple
coffee makers, my espresso machine—oh, my espresso machine! But let’s be real,
I could live without them. I actually lived without them for most of my life.
They’re nice to have, though.
I’m not planning on living in my van—at least not today—or getting rid of
all my stuff. But I do want to take more road trips, see more beautiful
places, experience different weather, and spend time with myself in different
situations. And for that, I need more time and money.
To achieve that, I’ve decided to downsize. I’m selling my house, but not
before selling some furniture and a few of my toys. I will reduce my monthly
expenses by around 15%, which might not sound like much. But that doesn’t
account for the unexpected money drain of making the house prettier, fixing
things, and keeping it running and in good condition through regular
maintenance.
I’m initially moving into a small apartment or studio to reduce my
biggest expenses: housing and utilities. I’m not planning on leaving my current
job, but I do want to negotiate my hours. The goal is to have more time and
money available to travel more, do photography work, and enjoy life more.
Yes, I said photography work. To support this shift, I took a couple of free
photography classes, and I’m planning on taking a couple more and practicing a
lot. I love taking pictures and making videos. I always have! I want to
experience more of the joy they bring me. I want that happiness more often, but
now with a clearer purpose. I want to capture beauty and nature in all their
shapes and forms and get paid for it.
I’m not looking to exhibit my work in a high-end gallery or open a
photography studio, at least not now. My expectations are pretty much
non-existent. I enjoy taking pictures regardless of the outcome. If extra
money comes in because of that, I’ll be very grateful. If not, I’m still
grateful to be doing what I love.
I saw a post on social media that unfortunately got lost in my feed*. But
it was very interesting. It had a few questions to help you find yourself and
your purpose. I wrote down my answers, but the questions were something along
the lines of:
1. What have you been curious about recently?
2. What have you been thinking about a lot recently?
3. What has made you feel jealous recently?
4. What have you been happy or proud of yourself for recently?
5. What would an ordinary Tuesday look like in the life you want?
6. What do you keep trying to talk yourself out of?
7. What are my next steps to achieve the life you want?
These very personal and revealing questions made me write today.
Especially because I woke up feeling sick and with very little mental capacity
to work. There was no room in my head for work today. Not only because I feel
like crap—my voice is virtually gone, my head hurts, and I gag every time I
swallow—but also because I had so much to say to myself. I needed to focus and
organize my thoughts.
So, what are my next steps, you may ask? Let’s focus on this week.
1. Monday (today)
a. Finish organizing my thoughts by writing this reflection and maybe
post it as an entry on my blog.
b. Try to recover from whatever this thing is. Take some NyQuil, take a
nap, and hope I’ll feel better tomorrow.
2. Tuesday
a. Work, hopefully having enough energy and feeling well enough to work
out or even just go for a walk.
3. Wednesday
a. Same as Tuesday.
4. Thursday
a. I’m hoping I’ll be back to normal, so I can work from 8 to 5 as usual.
5. Friday—off work
Friday gets exciting. I booked two nights at a nearby campground.
Friday will officially be my first proper adventure in the van, not just
a drive to the grocery store and the pharmacy. I will finally be brave
enough to use the van’s bathroom, shower, kitchen, and bed.
I’ve been so nervous about spending the night in the van! I felt
incapable of using all its features, including filling up the water tank,
learning how to turn on the water heater, and taking a shower in it. And
eventually, I’ll have to empty the gray tank and the cassette toilet. That’s
going to be an adventure in itself.
Tonight’s meditation will include reminding myself that I have no
expectations for this weekend. No amazing videos with perfect views, no
cinematic scene of me making coffee in the morning with the perfect background
and the steam from the coffee performing as the star of the show… I’ll be happy
if I can use the bathroom without major issues.
For now, I’ll take some cold medication and a nap. No expectations,
except to relieve the discomfort in my throat.
After this reflection, I realized I’ve done some pretty bold and brave
things in my life. Especially after I turned 40, but I think that’s been true
for most of my life. After 40, things became bigger, more visible, and more
dramatic.
I’m turning 55 in exactly two months. I’m not planning on stopping doing
brave things anytime soon. On the contrary, I want to enjoy life even more.
Now more than ever, I will listen to my intuition and follow where it
leads me. And that requires bolder and even braver decisions. I’ve done
it before; I can do it again.
What is your next brave step toward having the life you really
want?
*Update: I found the post it was on Instagram by @thedoctoryami (posted September 25th, 2026), "7 questions to ask when you have NO IDEA what you want anymore".




